tsarcasm:

trapsical:

I took a shit in my grandma’s cat’s litterbox when I was like 13 and my whole family was wilding out trying to figure out why the cat took such a huge dump. Then they took her to the vet and we found out she has feline HIV so in a way, I helped her.

this story was wild from start to finish

(Reblogged from trust)

virginitity:

how i seduce men

image

(Reblogged from trust)

poyzn:

Quick and simple lifehacks.

(Reblogged from pizza)

plug:

*Walks into class crush is in*

Teacher: Everyone have a seat

Me:

 image

(Reblogged from readingaroundthemovies)

fartgallery:

readingaroundthemovies:

fartgallery:

i need to date a girl with the initials AG so we can carve SW+AG on benches

Those r my mums initials…,

say hello to your new dad. i see that your tumblr blog contains some vulgar language. you’re grounded

(Reblogged from pizza)

verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

(Reblogged from pizza)
(Reblogged from pizza)

I knew we found love at 5 AM. Our short phone call had turned into 6 hours long. You had to get up in a few hours but you stayed on the phone with me all night. My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard into my cell phone and my eyes were drooping and I couldn’t stop yawning but my heart was wide awake.

I knew we found love under a frozen sky. My lips were frosty and chapped, but you still kissed me anyway. I could see our passionate frantic breaths between each kiss, your spit froze onto my face but I couldn’t care less. I was blushing, but I don’t think you could tell because we were so flushed from the cold.

I knew we found love the day I met your family. At dinner they kept asking me questions and I was so nervous that I could barely even respond. My hand was shaking so hard that you held it under the table to calm me down. When they weren’t looking you mouthed “I love you” to me and without hesitation I mouthed it back.

I knew we found love during our first fight. My mouth was sore from screaming and my eyes stung from the tears that trickled endlessly down my face. You wrapped your arms around me so tightly that I wasn’t sure where I started and you began. You softly whispered I’m sorry into my ear and I frowned. Not because I was still angry about what happened, but because I knew no matter what you did, I’d always be yours.

I knew we found love, when you touched me in a way that no one else had before. Your hands wandered across me, as if you knew exactly where they needed to be. Your dilated pupils looked at me through the dark and shimmered. You grinned. There was no turning back.

I knew I lost love, when you wiped the tears off my cheek, and the only word that left my mouth was “stay”. I watched you walk away into the street from my window, I slid down the wall and felt my heart slowly stop. Everything was dark and cold. I wanted you so bad. It’s just the feelings were still there but you weren’t.

(H.S) losing you (via cirea)

(Source: dumbdaisies)

(Reblogged from cirea)

riddlemetom:

what if when we’re like 80 they remake harry potter and the kids of that time get to see peeves and st mungos and “it unscrews the other way” and “have a biscuit potter” and the portraits applauding in the headmasters office and no fucking breaking of the elder wand I’m going to be so pissed off

(Reblogged from onlyfourcharacterslive)

grumpysalmon:

All of the incredibles represent a disorder:
Violet - anxiety
Dash - ADHD
Mr Incredible - too strong
Mother Incredible - ???
Baby - exploding child

(Reblogged from onlyfourcharacterslive)